I wish someone had written me a letter before I had children. Saying something to the fact of:
Dear young childless couple,
You have no idea where you are headed. You are married to the man of your dreams. In this moment, you think you are busy. Let me tell you, young married couple, you are not busy. You have not seen busy until that day that first child has entered your world. The 8 pound bundle of joy screaming into the world. You cry tears of happiness and to be honest sheer panic. What have you just done?! This is the biggest change in your married life. This little person will change everything you have known about yourself, your spouse and your family. Here are five things that you need to know before you make this decision:
1. Sex. Yep, sex will change. You will find yourself doing it at strange times and often very quickly. You will find that getting it in is better than maybe the foreplay you used to enjoy. The day will come when the young baby will turn into a toddler and walk into your bedroom. They will look at you and scream ” What are you doing to my mommy!!! You are killing her!”
2. Social life. Your social life will change. The once spur of the moment plans you once had will no longer exist. The once go to couple will no longer be. The parties you throw will be around the bedtime, nap times and other sleeping times of your child. You say you won’t be those parents…but you will.
3. Marriage. Your marriage will change. It has to in order to accommodate the child. The beautiful child will test both of your patience in ways you did not understand or know. You will either come together or go apart. It will either build up your marriage because you are clinging on to each other and God or you will falter under the pressure.
4. Friendships. Your friendships change. Especially if you are the first ones to have children. Your friends don’t understand. They can’t. Your girls nights at times become non-exist. You would much rather stay home with your new baby or growing baby than go out. Your friends might not want to hang out with you and your crying teething infant.
5. Family. This is just like your friends. If you are the first ones to have kids get ready. I have been left on vacations with my children , while the other women in the family have gone out shopping because I am the only with children. Your family does not understand why you might eat dinner between 5:30 and 6:00 and they don’t. It might become a fight. Be prepared.
Are you ready? Can you be prepared for all that change old married self? Do you even know what you are in for? Enjoy every minute with your husband. Savor those moments. You will never have them again. Take those unexpected vacations. Enjoy it. The self-sacrifice is worth every moment. Be prepared. You will never be the same. Lucky for me, it was for the better.