This summer has proved that struggle is a companion of our lives. I have written a few blogs on the struggles that I am personally having. Whether its not having anymore children or accepting what God is placing in front of me. Well, I have named my 32nd year of my life, the year of transition. We are transiting out of comfort zone and into God’s hand.
This blog is about Adoption. We are in the very very beginning stages of a domestic infant adoption. If you don’t know a lot about an infant adoption, its long, its hard and its cost a lot of money. I am a complete control freak and this does not sit well at times with my soul. I love that old hymn, “It is well, with my soul, it is well, it is well with my soul.” I can picture myself as a teenager singing that song in a church pew and loving it. (not truly understanding what it fully meant at the time). So, here we are at the beginning of the adoption process. Which means, we are on the wait-list for the home-study. There are 20 people (the last time we knew) a head of us also waiting on a home-study. This can be discouraging. The home-study can take 3 to 6 months to complete. The home-study is critical to the adoption process. It determines where you can continue on in the process or not. So, we are in wait. The wait for the home-study can take up to a year. Than a 3 to 6 month wait as they conduct the home-study, then we get to be in the “book” for a birth mother to choose us. Wow, this can take 2 to 3 years. As, I type this, my heart beats faster and I am little sick to my stomach. Because I want a baby, I am unable to have. My heart cries for something, I can not do myself. Yes, I have two beautiful girls, but God doesn’t want us to stop there.
So, this is it, complete surrender. I actually mean it as I say it. We are surrendering our lives to God’s plan. Our life is not perfect, we are two completely imperfect people. If you read my blog, I ask you a couple of things:
1. Please pray for us during this process. The home-study is crucial to the adoption. If someone where to approach us to adopt their baby (privately), without the home-study, we can’t do it.
2. Peace that surpasses all understanding. We love the Lord and know He has planned our steps. He is fifty steps ahead of us. So, in moments of discouragement that we find peace.
3. That we have continued support through the process in all aspects of this adoption. Its not cheap, its not easy and its taxing on our emotions.
4. For the birth mother, that God has planned out (if he has), that she is safe, knows the Lord and that she is prepared.
5. For our marriage to be ready for the hardship of this process. Our children do not know, because they are two small or they are not aware of what is taking place behind the scenes. Pray that we can prepare our families.
I was warned not to tell to many people or the world. Well, that’s not how I tend to roll or how God wants me to. I want to share my process on this blog, the good, bad and ugly. I want to share pain, triumphant and hopefully the news of a baby.
Please pray with me. I often think of many women in the bible who were barren such as Sarai, Hannah, and Elizabeth. They were old women when God blessed them. I hold onto that faith and hope. I know He is Good, His plan is right and His way is sure.