A New year…a new you?

Posted on by
Photo by: sean dreilinger December 31, 2012

Photo by: sean dreilinger
December 31, 2012

New Year’s Eve is upon us. This is the time of year where everyone is making their resolutions, goals,  and solutions to the new year. You may be thinking: ” This year will be different.” or ” I am a not going to repeat that mistake again this year”.

My question to this new year or new you: how will it be different? How will the old patterns suddenly disappear and new ones appear? How will you make 2014 the best year yet.

If you are looking for answers to help you with these questions or self-help sayings to help you feel better, you have come to the wrong place.

In order to become a different person, you have to think differently. You have to act differently. You have to decide what patterns you are willing to let go and let God deal with. Mostly importantly you have to allow God to do the work in you.

For me, this new year. I am going to start with the gospels. I am going to look to Jesus as the example of how I should live 2014. Instead of making promises that I won’t keep or  that will fall away in a month. In 2014, I am going to live all out for Jesus.

Will you join me?

The other side of me

Posted on by

IMG_8048

I am a strong-willed, spit-fire, five foot nothing and weigh about as much as a minute. When my husband left for Dallas for a small trip. I thought I got this, no big deal. What I failed to realize how God had designed our  marriage and us as a family.

b68e45adf700c8206bf91ebc0a47f49b

Our family just doesn’t work without the other person. When one of us is gone our family doesn’t feel right. In the mornings, we have our roles and without the other, it just doesn’t go as smooth or as right.  God designed us to need each other. In our family, as much hardship we can experience at times, doesn’t work without the other.

This small trip has helped me to realize how important it is to fight for my marriage in hard times and nurture it in good times. It has helped me to realize that the girls need to see a good example of a husband and wife. That when I am eighty years old, I still want to feel this out of synch without my husband.

ben-kissing-jen

As Five for fighting would sing in a 100 years it’s about the moment:

I’m 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I’m just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
I’m 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we’re on fire
Making our way back from Mars
[CHORUS]:
15 there’s still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there’s never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
I’m 33 for a moment
A kid on the way
A family on my mind
I’m 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I’m heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life
15 there’s still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose yourself
Within a morning star
15, I’m all right with you
15, there’s never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live
Half time goes by
Suddenly you’re wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We’re moving on
I’m 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I’m just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

Posted on by
PIcture take by: w00kie Flickr Tokyo, Japan 2006

PIcture take by: w00kie
Flickr
Tokyo, Japan 2006

Christmas Season has started.  At least in our home it has. The Christmas tree is up, our presents for the most part are bought and we are ready.  Yes, its only November.

Here is the kicker, how many of us are this ready for Christmas? Why do we Celebrate Christmas? For us, it’s the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. It’s the King of Kings, who would then save us from ours sins. Christmas in our home is a celebration of the birth. The beginning of learning about Jesus and why he was born.

Christmas always brings the best out in people, whether you believe in the  Holy God or not. People will do more acts of generosity during this time. Christians for some reason, this brings out the best in us.

If we want to give, how do we decide? I mean there are a million charities across the nation, a  million ways to give. Its easy to overlook those in need and justify your wants as needs.  What is God calling of you to do?

This is where a story that happened to us comes in. We were in the first year of me being a stay at home mom. We had no money for Christmas. Very few people knew of what was going on in our financial situation. We didn’t brag about being broke.  We had two children and literally no money. We were deciding whether to do Christmas or not with the kids. They were young and wouldn’t remember. I had Christmas’ as a young teenager with no gifts, that didn’t stop my family from celebrating the true meaning of Christmas.

I was opening Christmas Cards during nap time. I normally worked out during that time and was just finishing up my workout. Mail time was always depressing during this season. But I love Christmas and the cards would bring a little cheer into my day. I just sat and randomly opened cards. Smiling at the faces we knew, loving the updates on families. Opened up a non-photo card, which you rarely get these days. I just read the front, it said something about Jesus for is reason for the season, I can’t remember. I opened the card and $ 500 spilled out in cash.

I was stunned.

I mean stunned.

I sat and cried. I called my husband and he sat in his office stunned.

At first, it was so hard to believe. We had never experienced a blessing of this magnitude in our life from a random person. You see, the card wasn’t signed by a person, but by Jesus.

We then decided to bless another family with part of the money, who then decided they were not in as much need as another family they knew. So, they sent a similar card with part of the money in it. You see one person’s obedience to the Lord, blessed three families that Christmas. To this day, I still don’t know who did it. I know God put it on that person’s heart, they wanted Him to get the glory.

Taken by: Lauren Manning 2012 Flickr

Taken by: Lauren Manning
2012
Flickr

In our family, we continue to do something every Christmas. I will not list what we do because it takes away from God’s glory. But listen times are hard for a lot of people in your community. If God is putting on your heart to do something here are ways you can help:

1. Go to your local K-mart, Wal-Mart or any type of store that does layaway and make a payment on someone’s account randomly. Don’t know how?  Here is a link of someone already doing it. Donate now: http://www.gofundme.com/layawayangels

2. As a group of friends, find a family and send a local grocery store card for their holiday meal.

3. Pay for the person’s drink in the Starbucks line behind you.

4. Ask your waiter to find a check in a restaurant and pay for their meal.

5. If you know a friend struggling to afford bills much less Christmas, send money from God.

6. Give to your local mealsite, soup kitchen, with your time, talents, or money.

7. Volunteer to be the bell ringer for the salvation army bucket: http://salarmymokan.org/?gclid=CNGBwoKBjbsCFVFgMgod2zgAFg

8. Operation Christmas Child with Samaritans purse…build a box online for a child in another country:http://www.samaritanspurse.org/what-we-do/operation-christmas-child/

9. Go help a widow in your neighborhood and help them with something around their house.

10. Be Christlike. Read your bible. It will tell you how Christ acted and did things. Start with the gospel of Matthew.

Shine your light this Christmas Season.

Luke 2:11 ” For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.”

What’s fair in life?

Posted on by

195029298_f46c423497_z

“My life is not fair” is the thought that ran across my mind today, Saturday, as my printed would not turn on.

As I grumbled that my husband should be home to help me, he should have made sure all of the technology worked in my house before he left me all weekend and that I, Jen, should not be inconvenienced in any way. (I really didn’t say the last part, but I might as well have.)

“My life is not fair”.  I, my arrogant self, grumbled all the way to the car with my two children in tow to go fill a box for a child in another country. I knew I was being incredibly sinful, so I turned down my music and confessed my sin.

And began to think…What is fair? What is unfair?

Earlier that morning, I had bought a card for a friend with cancer who is a young mother, that’s unfair. 

I had bought toys, hygiene products, and other things that a child would need because  they lived in a country that lacked the resources to provide them with everything they need, that’s unfair.

7920083938_20e534762e_c

I listen to stories everyday  from people from broken homes, abusive homes, and/or homes that lack the resources they need, that’s unfair. 

My broken printer seemed stupid. My arrogance was shameful. My attitude was awful.

Then I remembered bible study, “We have to get out of our heads that life is not fair.”

What?! Excuse me?! EVERYTHING I listed below my arrogant attitude “seems” unfair. It’s not fair that my friend who is young has cancer, it’s not fair that children don’t have what they need, it’s not fair that people are abused…

Then a whisper…“I got this.”

The only unfair thing that has every happened on the face of this earth was to Jesus. A sinless man who died a sinner’s death to save me from eternal hell.

Life may seem “unfair”.  But its not. It’s apart of His plan. Whatever the Smith’s have or you lack, it’s because God wants you to have something different. We live in a broken world that Jesus is going to come back and save one day but until then I know He is:

Good

Sovereign

Holy

Wise

Just

Loving

Faithful

“I got this. Lay your burden on me.”

Yes, my printer broke today. It was not the end of the world.

10 Principles to Encourage and Equip you

Posted on by

Great thoughts!

labujamra's avatarLina AbuJamra

passing the baton

Every so often I need a pep talk.

Today is one of those days.

And when I need a pep talk, I go to Romans 8:26-39.

Here are 10 truths from Romans 8 that will encourage you, empower you, and equip you to overcome whatever difficulty you may be feeling right now:

View original post 260 more words

Wood, hay and straw…

Posted on by

8186798552_4f9a7cfdc4_z

I went to bible study Monday night, the question was asked during the lecture: “What is straw, wood and hay in your life?”

The question was taken in reference to 1 Corinthians 3:12-15. This passage talks about building our lives on things that can withstand fire.

When we are judged at the end of our lives or when Jesus returns, what in our lives will withstand the fire? What will go up in flames , like straw, wood and hay?

This is a hard question for me to answer in my life. What can I give up? What is going to burn up and be a big heap of ashes at the end of my life? Will it be everything I did in my entire life? Will I let trivial situations get in the way of what I build my foundation on and continue to build my life on things that will burn.  What am I wasting my time and energy on?

4371757217_c26c9baee1_z

More importantly, how do I begin to build that solid foundation of silver, gold and costly stone?  I believe its  allowing God to change me fully. Am I ready? Yes, because one day I hope to hear : “Well done, good and faithful servant” as I enter in the gates of heaven.

A week of transition

Posted on by

Well, my last blog talked about how 32 was going to be the year that everything changed. As promised the age of 32 is keeping me on my toes. Good, bad and indifferent. (Okay, not really indifferent, but it sounds good?!)  I had an interview with a local school district for possible opening positions.  In our district, we call them classroom reduction teachers. When the schools get to many kids in them and the class sizes become too large. Classroom reduction teachers are hired. They reduce the class size.

Flickr, 2012, John S. Fernandz

I had two interviews with two principals. Then I waited, waited, and waited. We went on vacation as planned to Adventureland theme park. We pulled up on the trolley to Adventureland. Can you guess what happened?! In a matter of a half an hour, I was hired as a part-time junior high language arts teacher. Oh my goodness! That was round 1 for the day.  Life-0, Jen- 1.

Ding, ding, ding, round 2 begins as we go on the log ride. We get soaked to the bone. The excitement begins to wear off. My mind begins to turn on what’s going to happen next. (I was thinking taking care of the kids). Then the next call comes in, my youngest daughter’s speech evaluation has been reviewed. We begin to talk results. They aren’t good. What we thought were minor speech issues are now, bigger speech issues. They want to place her in the Early Development Room, aka, and special resource preschool. I began to cry. We had taken all the steps to prevent this. She was in early invention speech and  all that we could do for her. Okay God, I get it, its not about me. We are blessed, it’s only for expressive speech (in plain language, you can’t understand a word she says.) But we are blessed that is nothing other than that. Life-1, Jen-1

Ding, ding, ding, round 3 begins as the end of our day approaches. We have begun to get rejected by every nanny we had interviewed. Great, here we go, I have a job, a kids in special education and now, I can’t find a nanny. Really God?! I am completely honest on this blog, this was what was going through my mind. So, crying on the way home on a Thursday.  Life-2,  Jen 1

I lost the fight. I felt like Evander Holyfield the day after the fight with Mike Tyson. I felt like something was missing. I had let Life beat me. The rest of that first week of school, would prove that the fight with  life, was not over. Life and I were duking it out. But have you notice, who was not beside me in all this. God. Plain and simple. Yes, I prayed everyday, but God was answering the prayers. Yet, I wasn’t liking the answers.

Flickr, 2008, Cliff

God had provided everything I needed. Yet, I was like Saul, before he became Paul. I was bent on my own way. Thankfully God did not blind me, but I was blinded. I was blinded by pride, hurt, and being selfish.  The scales were torn off after an intervention of sorts with some friends and a pastor. You need to have friends that will be restlessness in helping you. We went to the intervention ready for another fight, because you see, I had been fighting all along. But God come in, crashing on my head. Torn the scales off my eyes and I saw clearly.

God had provided a job, in which I could still be with my children most of the day and help out with our  debt. God had provided an amazing nanny that is wonderful for our children and loves God. God had/has provided a church family that loves us. God gave us a solution with our daughter that helps her. You see, I failed to see all of that.

flickr, 2012, Jubileelewis

So, if you are struggling, as I hard as it is, there are blessings behind it. Tony Evans writes in Kingdom woman, that God often works behind the scenes in the dark. We don’t know the whole picture just yet, because that is when we get to heaven. We only get the left or right corner of our entire life. This is a moment. It may be hard, but God will get you through it. After all, He gave us the biggest gift of all, Jesus, the cross, and the resurrection.

A year of transition

Posted on by

20130803-DSC_0020

This summer has proved that struggle is a companion of our lives. I have written a few blogs on the struggles that I am personally having. Whether its not having anymore children or accepting what God is placing in front of me. Well, I have named my 32nd year of my life, the year of transition. We are transiting out of comfort zone and into God’s hand.

20130803-DSC_0100

This blog is about Adoption. We are in the very very beginning stages of a domestic infant adoption. If you don’t know a lot about an infant adoption, its long, its hard and its cost a lot of money. I am a complete control freak and this does not sit well at times with my soul. I love that old hymn, “It is well, with my soul, it is well, it is well with my soul.” I can picture myself as a teenager singing that song in a church pew and loving it. (not truly understanding what it fully meant at the time). So, here we are at the beginning of the adoption process. Which means, we are on the wait-list for the home-study. There are 20 people (the last time we knew) a head of us also waiting on a home-study. This can be discouraging.  The home-study can take 3 to 6 months to complete. The home-study is critical to the adoption process. It determines where you can continue on in the process or not. So, we are in wait. The wait for the home-study can take up to a year. Than a 3 to 6 month wait as they conduct the home-study, then we get to be in the “book” for a birth mother to choose us. Wow, this can take 2 to 3 years. As, I type this, my heart beats faster and I am  little sick to my stomach.  Because I want a baby, I am unable to have. My heart cries for something, I can not do myself. Yes, I have two beautiful girls, but God doesn’t want us to stop there.

So, this is it, complete surrender. I actually mean it as I say it. We are surrendering our lives to God’s plan. Our life is not perfect, we are two completely imperfect people. If you read my blog, I ask you a couple of things:

1. Please pray for us during this process. The home-study is crucial to the adoption. If someone where to approach us to adopt their baby (privately), without the home-study, we can’t do it.

2. Peace that surpasses all understanding. We love the Lord and know He has planned our steps. He is fifty steps ahead of us. So, in moments of discouragement that we find peace.

3.  That we have continued support through the process in all aspects of this adoption. Its not cheap, its not easy and its taxing on our emotions.

4. For the birth mother, that God has planned out (if he has), that she is safe, knows the Lord and that she is prepared.

5. For our marriage to be ready for the hardship of this process. Our children do not know, because they are two small or they are not aware of what is taking place behind the scenes. Pray that we can prepare our families.

I was warned not to tell to many people or the world. Well, that’s not how I tend to roll or how God wants me to. I want to share my process on this blog, the good, bad and ugly. I want to share pain, triumphant and hopefully the news of a baby.

Please pray with me. I often think of many women in the bible who were barren such as Sarai, Hannah, and Elizabeth. They were old women when God blessed them. I hold onto that faith and hope. I know He is Good, His plan is right and His way is sure.

20130803-DSC_0150

Do you always eat your lunch?

Posted on by
Eating a snack

Eating a snack

Four kids came to the table (I am watching my older nephews the last two weeks before school starts. They have come each day during the week. I looked at each of them and told them. It’s been a little crazy with the four kids! But I digress) “If you don’t eat your lunch, than no snack after quiet time.” The four kids nodded in solemn agreement.  This is something they have all heard before. Eating meals is important to me and snacks are for after you eat your meal. (Again, I digress).

My oldest daughter, is a person who tests everything I say. If I say the sky is blue, she would argue that it was purple. So, as lunch was finishing up, I gave the urging again to eat their lunch. The snack was in jeopardy if they did not.  Well, she did not finish. She barely touched her lunch. She simply  stated she did not want a snack. I having been down this road with her before, knew better. I urged her several more times, but she had decided, no lunch, meant no snack.

Nap time was over, all the three kids that listened and ate their lunch, carefully choose their snack. My daughter looked at me and asked, ” Can I have a snack?” I simply said “No, you did not eat your lunch.”  A meltdown took place for about 20 minutes. The other kids quickly ate their snack and moved on. She did not. She wailed and cried. She told me life wasn’t fair. ( So true, so true). She even said that she wouldn’t love me anymore if I didn’t give in to her. I did not. I sat and held her as she cried. She eventually got over it and ate dinner without a word. She received her snack.

I began to think as I was trying patiently to reason with my daughter, how often has God done this with me. He would put something, such as a lunch, something I didn’t want and asked me to obey. How many countless times, did I defiantly so “no!” or just didn’t do it. How many times, did I go back rushing to God’s hands and beg for mercy or the bread of life.

Photogboy,flickr,2008

Photogboy,flickr,2008

My life being an unperfectly perfect mess for the Lord is what he wants. He wants my anything. He wants what he puts in front of me to be obeyed, so He can bless me. Bless me in ways that will blow my mind. He doesn’t want blind obedience, He wants heartfelt obedience. He wants my nose in HIS book and reading His words to me. The love letter to his people. The love letter of Jesus Christ saving grace. The sacrifice of His son. All I have to do is, do what he has put in front me.

So, are you going to eat your lunch today? Or refuse and miss the blessing behind the meal.

Why I kissed Facebook Goodbye…

Posted on by
flickr,Sean MacEntee,2011

Flickr,Sean MacEntee,2011

I ran into a friend at church the other night. The conversation went something like this:

Friend:”It feels like you have fallen on the face of the earth.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s what happens, when you delete Facebook.”   We then caught up on life and talked. She wasn’t being snarky or mean. but….

Facebook has become the source of all your breaking news of friends,. If you having a baby, what your eating, if someone has died, and even if you have something really serious going on in your life, you post it on Facebook. Sometimes it seems the world is involved in your world, maybe more than it should be. This isn’t something a million articles, researchers and bloggers haven’t written about. The good, bad, and indifferent of social media. The debate over the best social media; Twitter, instagram, Facebook, tumblr, etc… is there as will always be as technology advances.  You may have all of the current social media or just a few.  Everyone, I has one vice with social media. At one time, I had most of the social media out there.  Facebook was  my main vice. I loved Facebook. I got to stay in tuned with my friends (mind you that lived in town) and with my family (that also lived in and out of town).

But slowly this source of  social media as it tends to do, became a source of pain. I would see gatherings that we weren’t invited to or play dates that other friends had without me.(eventually, God did an amazing work on my heart with that issue, and that didn’t bother me). Mind you those are not bad things, I am not condemning anyone for having something without me.This is about my inability to stay neutral.

During sources of conflict with family or friends, I would often see pictures or things that we were left out on. It began to hurt, and hurt deep. It begin to impede in my life too much.This is FACEBOOK, I am talking about. As, I type this, now, I feel silly, but it wasn’t at the time. It hurt and the pain was there. Superficial at times and silly but still there.

After one conflict over a picture posted and hurt feelings, I quit Facebook. It was then in that moment that in the quietness of my moments of God, in my hurt, that I saw how Facebook was destroying  my heart. It was my idol. I spent entirely too much time on that form of media. It was on my phone, my Ipad, and my computer. I would check it constantly. It took time that I should have been spending in God’s word, my family or reading other things.  After time in prayer, I simply deactivated my account and haven’t looked back. I do have a twitter, pinterst, and instagram. But those don’t occupy my time or my heart like Facebook did.

Flickr, 2009

Flickr, 2009

The beauty of hurting is you see God more clearly. Like this stained glass window. It is broken pieces of a glass but when put together, it is made into a beautiful window.